Day 90: Desert

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     Have you been in the desert? In tropical countries like where I am, the Philippines, none of it existed here. Naturally, I haven't been to one, except of course, I'll visit countries like Saudi Arabia. However, emotionally or mentally, I've been there. You see, when you do not know where you are, or where you are going, or how you feel, you seem to be in the desert. At least that's how I feel during those times. And last week, that was just how I felt. 

   

  I've got dreams, lots of them. Dreams for myself as well as for my family. Only that obstacles challenged my beliefs and told me my dreams were so hard to accomplish. See, there are so many considerations or let me say, requirements that I need to comply in order for me to achieve my dreams. With determination, it's not a question, I've got lots of it. But time? Oh, I need to provide much of it to fulfilling my dreams. I've got to set my priorities in proper order. You know so well, it's so hard to adjust time when you are already used to doing things according to their usual schedule. And time is for me fifty percent of achieving my dreams. And it's sending me in the desert. I was shaken a bit. I didn't do a thing, except to pause and look at everything in it's given order. Anyways, I've got to overcome this desert if I were to fulfill my dreams. 

   

  However big you are, oh, desert of mine, you'll still be conquered by my endearing soul.  

Day 86: In Love With My Life

     I love to watch when the light meets the dark. I love sunsets, sunrises and dusk. During these times, there is some kind of peacefulness and awe that envelops my whole being. I don't know why. I just love it. I just love to breath deeply and feel my life within and around me.

Day 85: Affirm

     Been away for quite awhile.

Busy with things not so fine.

God brought me back,

To finish where I start

I may have missed a lot of days

To finish is what matters at least.

Thank God for this another beginning.

Please be with me 'til the end....

 

Mystic or Mistake?

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Once in my life I discovered the Mystic's way.
I followed it, longing to become a One.
Truly I was amongst.
Nobody ever told me, yet I know deeply.
For the experience could not be described by words.
Some said, I carried a beauty
That the outside had nothing to do.
At that time I still did not know
How precious the gift being bestowed upon me.
I was not perfect, yet I was precious I knew.
I had admirers, young and old, women and men.
'Til the day comes,
When I allowed the admiration to strip the better of me.
I committed the worst mistake,
The like of me is prohibited.
From the highest peak I fell into the abyss.
The fall was high, the pain unbearable.
Nothing I could do than to get up,
And embarrassingly put myself into pieces again.
Mystic or mistake?
From here I start my journey all over again.
What am I?
Who am I?
As of now, I still don't know.
What's clear is to start my journey, all over again.... 

A Reluctant Giver

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An innocent child is she.
Bringing a box from birth 'til the other day.
Never she knows with it what she shall do.
She's just instructed to handle it with care.
She follows obediently, and even refuses to play.
She's afraid she'd break it, or a gift it would no longer be.
She then notices the girls as small as she,
Carry glittering boxes that look so differently.
With bows and ties and even expensive beads.
They say it'll make the gift as important as can be.
She follows their advice and create a ribbon for her box.
Until she's used to do it depending on the fad.
Yet the day comes when unexpectedly,
The box slide from her tiny hands,
To pieces it break and mending it is an impossibility.
Confuse, lost and don't know what to do,
To God she comes to be consoled .
Her heart's agony the heavenly Father hear.
"What it is my child, what brings you here?"
Unable to look up she manages to utter,
"Forgive me heavenly Father, but my box I've carelessly drop.
What will become of me, a careless soul?"
The loving Father embraces her and answers,
"No my child the gift is not the box but the whole of you in front of me.
The box is just a show for people who do not know.
They would never know 'til they break their box just like you.
No matter what you're always a perfect gift because you come from me."
Happily she dances and shouts and sings.
After all she's free.

Scattered Leaves

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Scattered leaves, they lay at our yard.

Nothin's new, for leaves are meant to grow and fall.

Yet today they seem to bring a certain glow.

Was it the midnight rain?

Or the side of bed I got up?

The reason, I've given up to know.

What does it matter when a moment's about to end?

My mind could paint only a moment.

And a moment my heart could only grasp.

Now, never would I wonder why Doc Leo loves scattered leaves.

They do speak in words only the heart could ever seize.

Emotional Outburst

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I believe emotions are positively engraved in our beings for our good use. If not for those emotions to be expressed, we could burst and be destroyed. It's like volcanoes in our beloved planet. We have them in order for heat to come out from inside of the Earth. As we noticed, after every major volcanic eruption tranquility of the land follows. What had been destroyed, a new life sprang up -- more beautiful, more pleasant.

Just like emotions, after we allowed it to come out, a calming feeling followed after our exhaustion. At first, we feel guilty for giving in such outburst. Yet, we feel grateful for it to be over. Of course, we have to give reparations for feelings that had been hurt, ours and the people affected.

There may be some people who are matured enough to express their feelings - positive and negative in a positive way. But how about us, who are still fledglings in the road to maturity? It is inevitable for us to blow. After all, we are just humans.

This is my contemplation for this day -- emotional outburst. It is because until now I am still carrying the damage done by my emotional outbursts sometime in July and September last year. I just expressed myself and opinion over something I saw was wrong. I expressed my side of the coin. Only that the people involved just did not understand. Or maybe, would not want to understand? Whatever their stand is, I have no right to judge. That was their choice. Only that I was treated with a cold shoulder until now. Communication was cut. I tried to reach out, but I had been repeatedly ignored. Okay. Should I cry? I did. But it's over now. Life must go on. I should let go of people's feelings. Perhaps the one thing that still made those people hate me is that, until now I am not still able to ask forgiveness for what I have done. For me, forgiveness is neither be demanded nor mandatory. If we are that loving enough, we forgive people regardless of whether they ask for it or not. Forgiveness should be in our hearts always because people are just people. They always hurt us in ways they sometimes overlooked.

This is the reason why emotional outburst for me is natural. Because I know I could forgive those people who pushed me to it and also myself for expressing such displeasure over something. It may sound difficult to ask forgiveness when you know both of you are on the wrong side. But I guess, what matters is patching relationships, healing hurt feelings and being sensitive to people's weaknesses. Yeah, perhaps this is the weakness of certain people -- to be too right in everything that you need to yield to them in order to please them. How could I help them see the light? Only through prayers. I hope God would enlighten us all that we may start our new year with peace. And yeah, I'll find a way to ask forgiveness for hurting their feelings. This is what works for me the best.